Identity crisis of SARS
In October 2020, thousands of young people all over the world protested against police brutality in Nigeria. Photo: Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona
“Is SARS the Boko Haram of the South?” someone asked me.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “But what I know is that Boko Haram is the Boko Haram of the North. Although, recently, I think Banditry and Kidnapping are competing with it for the limelight.”
But the question struck a nerve.
Could SARS really be the Boko Haram of the South?
Well, let’s pretend it is for a second. Would that then make Mujahid Asari Dokubo the SARS of the liquid black gold diggers and environmental exploiters in the Niger Delta? Just asking.
I guess SARS started like a pet project, but like spoilt children, they were excessively fed with power and arms. So they lost control and grew wild.
A throwback to ’85—because I have a question:
Is SARS the Babangida of Buhari? Something (or someone, if you like) that you bring to power, now threatening your reign.
That’d make, I’m sure everyone will agree, Buhari the SARS of Umaru Dikko.
“Up North, it is common knowledge that Ganduje was Sanusi’s SARS, same fate Lamido shared with Kwankwaso.”
In the West, some might refer to SARS as the General Obasanjo of the Kuti family in the 80s. I bet you know the action films that played out at Kalakuta Shrine. But that’s not all, because two decades later, in 2006, another title—the SARS of Atiku—was conferred on Chief Obasanjo in what looked like being stuck in an ugly executive relationship where cheating was allowed.
Flashback again, Dimka was the SARS of Murtala—in cold blood. Babangida, again, was the SARS of Vatsa who only realised “late” that IBB was his frenemy. Abacha was the SARS of Saro-Wiwa and eight others. What an Ogoni!
Still, I believe that SARS is inarguably Buhari’s new Idiagbon with new definitions of indiscipline: fast cars, flashy clothes, or even a fine face can land you in trouble. Going to visit a friend? You may want to avoid taking a laptop with you; that is enough evidence to nail you in a coffin as a Yahoo boy . . . or girl.
Even in a democracy, SARS seems to assume all kinds of forms like an Amoeba in formation.
Can we say SARS is the EFCC of Lamorde? Alas, the hunter became the hunted. Let’s not bring Magu into this—too many cooks spoil the broth.
Oshiomhole was Obaseki’s SARS, just as Tinubu was Ambode’s. One narrowly survived the ordeal but the other couldn’t withstand the pressure and forces he battled with.
Up North, it is common knowledge that Ganduje was Sanusi’s SARS, same fate Lamido shared with Kwankwaso. It takes more than having many nairas to muscle out two men of timber and calibre. Oh wait, he must have strengthened his nairas with more dollars.
Image: Tobi Oshinnaike
As I ponder more and more, I find multiple comparisons to SARS even in the feminine circles. I’m quite sure that half a million youths will agree that Sadiya Umar is the SARS of N-Power beneficiaries. She took them to hell and brought them back, only to take them back there again and again.
But for the fact that we don’t have a police emergency number of three digits, 419 would have easily been the SARS of 911.
And let’s not forget, NEPA is still the SARS of PHCN. Apparently, the blackout virus was transferred to the new owners, especially AIDS . . . sorry, AEDC. Phonetically, their articulations are even similar.
Now I must ask this. Is Diezani the SARS of NNPC? We all know that’s a rhetorical question.
Now a serious question.
If Nollywood is auditioning for an actor to star in a leading role as SARS in a movie, who will get the role between K.O.K and Clem Ohameze? I don’t want to bring Mama Gee into this or that woman whose name I dare not mention, because I want to live long.
In retrospect, we can say Bouazizi was Okocha’s SARS in 2004 AFCON, judging by how Jay-Jay was tackled and denied free movement in the central arena.
You see, not that I followed or watched Big Brother Naija, but somehow, thanks to Twitter trends, one can say Erica was Laycon’s SARS. Nobody should have to experience what he endured from her.
Now SARS is changing form. After many #EndSARS protests—from social networks to the streets—it was finally given another name: SWAT. And almost immediately, #EndSWAT started trending on Twitter too. Someone said the swift change was like pouring Coca-Cola into a Pepsi bottle.
But don’t be surprised. They might come up with yet another name to replace it. Maybe SWAG this time around—in an attempt to sound like the youths, hoping to please them.
Well, I hope in changing its “Faze”, SARS will not become the “Blackface” of “2face”.
In the end, we can say that SARS is (scratch that) . . . was the SARS of SARS and eventually undid itself with its own hands. Sour suicide!
The #EndSARS movement was pregnant for many months, but we didn’t notice until it gave birth to quadruplets:
#EndPoliceBrutality
#EndInsecurity
#EndBanditry
#EndBadGovernance
After the successful delivery, you will be glad to know that both mother and the children are in good health!
About the author
Abdulrahman was born on an island, which gives him beautiful memories that trigger him to write short stories. His works have appeared in anthologies like African Writer, Ann Arbor Review, Brittle Paper, Dissident Voice, Oddball Magazine, Writer Space Africa, Tuck Magazine, Kalahari Review, London Grip Magazine, TVO Tribe, Sentinel Literary Quarterly and elsewhere. His flash fiction came second place in the Abubakar Gimba Monthly Prize For Short Fiction (March 2020). He is among the ten finalists for the annual Hysteria Writing Competition (2020). He is also the host and presenter of LITERATURE TODAY on Ultimate FM 103.9 Campus Radio of the Niger State College of Education, Minna. Art and calligraphy are two of his other skills.